Jamie Saunders

Eulogy, as read by Wesley Saunders at Jamie's funeral (Fri 20th June)

On 4th September 1983, Jamie Saunders was born. Fathered by Bernie and Mothered by Joy, he was the second child in this relationship joining his older brother of 3 years and 10 weeks - me.

Jamie’s early years were spent with him not wanting to leave Mum’s side, and crying at anyone who looked at him. Partly to do with him being shy, and partly down to severely painful in-growing front teeth, which were extracted at four years old leaving a gap at the front of his mouth at the top which can be seen in early photo’s of Jame.

As a young boy, he was cheeky, funny, challenging, brave, courageous and full of energy and these characteristics never changed. He was also extremely generous. So much so he would quite literally have given you the shirt off his back.

At five years old, Jamie had his first naked experience with a girl, managing to persuade his six year old friend to take off all of her clothes and get into bed with him. Despite having no idea what or why he had done this, it was evident that this boy had more testosterone as a five year old than I have in my life!

His early interests spanned across Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Bruce Lee films, and he just loved a fight. He was never one to cause trouble unnecessarily (*ahem*), but this love of fighting was probably due to a mixture of his admiration for our Dad (who was once a boxer) and our great grandfather (Joe Rolfe) who of course was a pro boxer.

Jamie and I loved to fight each other. We used to sneak upstairs to have a fight – all arranged of course – and when Mum came running up the stairs to see what was going on, she would find us sat on the bed with ruffled hair and when she asked what was going on, we would simply answer “nothing”.
This was brotherly love for ya. We used to kill each other indoors but dare anybody say a Word to us outside and it was a different story. No one could have a go at me to him or him to me without a tear up. That’s just the way it was.

Speaking of tear ups, even when Jamie was admitted to Barts, one patient had suggested that he might keep Jamie Company. Jamie had other ideas though and said to us “he better not start knocking for me or they’ll see the first ever tear up in the Leukaemia ward!” – You just couldn’t keep a good man down.

Back to our childhood, and in 1989, our little sister Hayley was born. When Jamie found out Mum and Dad were expecting a third child he went berserk. He didn’t want another addition to the family but when Hayley was born, he adopted a protective role over her which never went away.

By this time, Football had become a significant part of our lives and our days (and nights) were spent playing football unless of course Jamie would remind us that it was his ball and he was going home.

But seriously, all Jamie wanted to do was play football with me and my friends and despite being the only child in his school team who was not in the top year, Jamie didn’t want to play for a club unless he could play with me. He was so loyal and dedicated to the family he had no interest in being part of anything else.

When Jamie started secondary school, his humour inherited the shock factor. It was about this time that “Saunders always wins” started, and he also began to tell us that he thought he would be dead by the time he was 30. We thought he was joking.

Jamie hated school. But despite hating it he was a model student and excelled most subjects but particularly in Science, and PE and must have left some impact on his teachers as those who taught him in these subjects, and his form tutor, are present here today.

Football was still a big part of his life at this stage and even before the days of squad numbers, Jamie insisted on wearing the number 14 which is represented on the flowers and on the back of t-shirts as part of the ongoing campaign.

I’ll never forget that in a club match, Jamie wasn’t playing too well and the goalkeeper gave him a bit of stick for wearing the number 14 saying he should have been a sub. A hat-trick and 2 assists later, I think the goalie was eating his words. Saunders always wins? Well Jamie Saunders did anyway.

It was around this time that he and I ran East Tilbury Dynamo’s under 6’s until they were under 10’s. He was a great coach, and even at a young age demonstrated his leadership skills and showed great ability with responsibility.

During his schooling and football, he adopted a friendship with his brother from another mother as Jamie says – Dan Lunan. Jamie and Dan developed an incredible friendship which neither will ever forget.

When Jamie left school having succeeded in his exams, he walked out of the gates at St Cleres and into a job as a floor layer. He aspired to be his own boss and follow our Dad’s earlier trade and he was true to his words.

Jamie not only looked like a man but he was acting like one and earning money like one. Very quickly, he switched school and the streets, to work and the London night life with me. Partners in crime once again? – More like he was there to look out for or after his big bro!

In 2001, Jamie met the love of his life – Nik. She was a rock to Jamie in the early days after the death of one of his best friends Andrew Pryer, and Nik’s loyalty to Jamie was enough to prove to this family man that this was the woman for him.

In April 2002, whilst fathering 5 year old Lauren as if she was his own, Jamie and Nik announced that Nik was pregnant and in December of the same year Lily Joy was born.

August 2003, in what he dubbed as the happiest day of his life, Jamie and Nik married.

The next couple of years, Jamie spent decorating and re-decorating his house to perfection and also working with Dan as a floor layer. During this time, he bloated up to a near 23 stone and after announcing that Nik was expecting again at the end of 2005, Jamie decided it was time to lose weight.

Jamie’s diet and gym regime started on the 1st Jan 2006 and by the time Grace Hayley was born in May; Jamie had lost around 10 stone.

Tattoos were the next big thing in Jamie’s life and after adding the names of “Mum”, “Nikki”, “Lauren”, “Lily” and “Grace” to his arms, he had “Love, Honour and Obey” on his back, “Respect” and “Dad” in Chinese script on his right arm, and finally the phrase “Live for nothing or Die for something” tattooed across his heart on his chest.

As a family of five, Jamie traded his car in for a family car and began to mould himself further into the ultimate family man. As a father his children absolutely idolised him and vice versa. He liked to joke that he was the babysitter when Nik went to work but he cherished every second he had during those nights and this has led to Lauren adapting Jamie’s sense of humour, Lily his temperament and Grace his attitude. Even George (the Bijon Fries) has some of his irritating characteristics, but he loved that poofy dog!
Saying that, George wasn’t the only feminine trait that Jamie inherited from his girls – next time you hear Heart or Magic FM, or are watching Hollyoaks, think of Jame.

Back to the Eulogy - As a husband, Jamie did everything for Nik but always felt he could do more which was amazing because I think if half the husbands in the World treated their wives with a quarter of the respect and commitment that Jamie showed Nik, there would be a lot of happy women out there and a lot less divorces!!! Nik was Jamie’s sole mate and words will never describe his love for her.

Unplanned, I am actually going to interrupt the Eulogy to read this from Nik which has literally been written on the back (and front) of an envelope:
“Jamie truly meant the World to me. He was my one and only true love and the thought of life without him is killing me. We really did have the perfect marriage. He was my husband, my best mate and most of all my soul mate. We shared everything and had no secrets.

“I relied on Jamie to make all my decisions and now I’m lost. Jamie would do anything for me and the girls without even thinking about himself. That’s the kind of man he was – Kind, Caring and Giving. He really was perfect.

“I couldn’t of wished for a better husband and a perfect Dad for our kids. Now, what I am going to do for him is look after our girls and give them the life he so wanted to give them, full of love & happiness. I will make him proud, I promise.

“Me, Lauren, Lily & Grace will love him forever and I will always remind them how wonderful he was and how he devoted his life to us.

“He will be sadly missed but never forgotten. We love you always & forever babe.”

As a son, he had a different relationship with both Mum and Dad. For Dad, he was a companion. Jamie would talk to my Dad like he was one of our mates, confiding in him in things that would shock me, but he was so open and idolised Dad which was evident in the way he followed in his foot steps and took up flooring.

For Mum, he was her soldier. Jamie would do ANYTHING for her and I think it’s fair to say that she could not have asked for a better son in Jamie.

Not forgetting his other family responsibilities, as a grandson he was dedicated to our Nan, visiting her regularly in the old people’s home and making sure she was being looked after by her own children, including my Dad! Not that she wasn’t it was just Jamie’s way of checking up making sure that she was being looked after as best as possible.

As an Uncle, he was perfect. Naughty and sensitive in different ways, my kids loved him so much. I even have my own little Jamie at home.

As a brother, Jamie was perfect. For Hayley he was the ultimate hero. He was so protective over her; it was hard to know who her Dad was at times. But he was like her personal bodyguard (just ask poor Robbie!).

In fact, summarising Jamie as a brother-in-law on behalf of Paula and Robbie is easy – Two words: “Petrifying” and “Hilarious”. Paula said that the thing that she will miss most about him is the face he pulls when he’s getting told off by our Mum for making her dish up crazy deserts like custard and ice cream, and Robbie, who starts and ends every conversation with Jamie with his name (“Jamie”) eventually fell in love with him – quite literally!

And for me? He was simply my best mate. Having shared a bedroom for 16 years, we knew each other like the back of our hands.

I racked my brain thinking of things to write about how I feel today, what stories to tell, but I have infinite good memories of my brother that in the essence of time, I thought I’d save for when I have one on one conversation’s with people.

I was watching home videos of us aged 12 to 22 and listening to depressing songs trying to prepare me for today and I heard something that hit home and thought I would actually use someone else’s material to express how I feel considering it is so well written and my brain is not quite functioning properly yet.

I’ve not stolen it completely and have put a few little touches to it to personalise it. I had a conversation in my head with Jamie asking him if he thought it was cheesy and he asked me “if that’s how you feel, why do you care what people think?” and he’s right. So rather than struggle, I have borrowed it.

Here’s an edited extract from “I’ll be missing you” by Puff Daddy and Faith Evans (a cover of Sting’s “Every breath you take”).

“Life ain't always what it seems to be. Words can't express what you mean to me. Even though you're gone, we’re still a team and through the family I'll fulfil your dream.

"In the future I can't wait to see, if you’ll open up the gates for me. Reminisce some time, the night they took you my friend, I try to black it out but it plays again.

"When it's real, feelings are hard to conceal. It’s not possible to imagine all the pain we feel. I’d give anything to hear half your breath and I know you still living your life, after death.

"It's kind of hard with you not around but I know you’re in heaven smiling down, watching us while we pray for you – and every day we’ll pray for you ‘til the day we meet again, in my heart is where I'll keep you friend.

"My thoughts mate I just can't define, I wish I could turn back the hands of time to you aged twelve and me fifteen, running our own football team.

"From leaving home to getting married, here we are today with a horse and carriage. Out in style you will go, and I’ll keep my promises, I want you to know.

"I’d give almost anything to have you back today, but I can’t so this leaves me to say, I’m not saying goodbye, because that’s too concrete, instead I say “See you again mate, save me a seat”.

At the beginning of May 2008, Jamie told me that there was NOTHING in his life that he hadn’t done that he would want to do.

During the first week in May, Jamie completed 78 miles on the cross trainer in 5 days in the gym.

On the 14th May, Jamie was diagnosed with Leukaemia and his answer to the doctors asking if he has any questions was “let’s get on with it”. Within 3 days, he had had a bleed in the head, a blood clot, brain damage, a stroke, infections and the family were told the outlook was bleak.

23 days later, on Thursday 5th June at 5:30pm, in a room with Nik, Mum, Dad, Hayley and I, Jamie passed away, peacefully, out of suffering and pain, and with a smile on his face.

I promised Jamie that I would look after his family, my family and our family and I will. I also promised him I would raise awareness and with your help I will. "Live for nothing or Die for something"? Jamie has certainly died for something. You’ll always be in my heart and mind, and through the kids you’re legacy lives on. You're a legend bruv and it hasn't taken death to make you one. Love ya mate. See you again some day.